character studies

This is as much a fic about G'raha as it is about the Warrior of Light, even though it's ostensibly a WoL character study. As much as I love my catboy, the "canon" WoL fascinates me, and I really wanted to capture that in this fic.

A large part of this fic was inspired by my first Warrior of Light, who isn't Cálei at all! When I started the game, it was purely as a player and not a writer or roleplayer, so my character was nothing more than an avatar. In that vein, I wanted to explore who that person was, as viewed through the lens of all the people the WoL encounters through ShB, G'raha not least of all.

I do think ShB is more interesting if the WoL thinks of G'raha fondly, though, so that's reflected in this fic. Whether this is genfic or shipfic I leave to the reader to decide.

I don't think I'd ever written second-person POV before this fic, but I really enjoyed it and felt that it added a lot to the vibe, which is why I continued it for the next two fics.

I'm still really happy with this fic! I captured pretty much everything I wanted to say about ShB-era G'raha in this fic. The dichotomy between G'raha and Exarch continues to fascinate me to this day, and it's no wonder I ended up writing so much more fic about him.

Perhaps my favorite small detail is one that comes late in the fic: the idea that G'raha is actually a pretty terrible actor. I just don't think he has it in him! He can play at being the mysterious Exarch all he likes, but deep down, he's still that boy you met at the Crystal Tower. That's who he wants to be, no matter how much crystal mars his form. That is the thesis statement of this fic, and I think it's executed well.

That's not to say that G'raha doesn't have depths, mind; as this fic shows, he really, truly tries his best. But for all that he wants to be remembered for his death, he wants to live. That is the Exarch, to me, who I have gone on to explore in more fics down the line. (In many ways heaven can wait is a spiritual successor to this fic.)

I made up most of the people G'raha worked with in the Eighth Umbral Calamity on the fly, but one of them, the "tiny Miqo'te warrior who spends as much time beheading people as she does gossiping about everyone she's ever met," is actually... Aurore. No, I don't know how she got there.

Also, it is cemented in my mind that the Exarch knows exactly what's in his basement. Is the Tycoon sentient? I leave that to you to decide.

This was a tricky fic to write. I wrote it very soon after Endwalker came out, and while I think I captured most of what I wanted to say, I don't know that I made it all the way there. Unfortunately, since this was a zine fic I was very limited on wordcount and had to keep the scope of the fic very tight. Had it not been for a zine, I would have liked to expand more on these thoughts.

Ostensibly the unnamed WoL in this fic is my other WoL, Reis, which is why this WoL uses these pronouns. I can't recall exactly why I decided this; it would have still worked with a fully generic WoL. I don't think it makes a huge difference either way.

I wrote this fic as a zine sample, though that didn't pan out. Still: Alisaie! My darling daughter. I've never gotten to write as much about her as I would like, so it was nice to change that with this fic.

Alisaie's gap year (as it were) is a particularly interesting period to me. She goes from the cusp of war with Garlemald to the quiet dunes of Amh Araeng, but what's in her mind during that period? How can she, of all people, accept that there's nothing the patients at the Inn can do but die?

None of it is easy for her, so it makes for a perfect place to write a fic. And while I'd probably write it differently today, I'm glad I gave it a shot when I did.